The Partner Behind the Power: Holding Everything that No One Sees with Temi Ayodeji
📍 Welcome to Lonely at the Top, the podcast where high level leaders speak the truths they rarely get to say out loud. I'm your host, Rachel Alexandria. Farmer psychotherapist turns soul medic to founders, executives, and decision makers. Wanting to clean up their secret messes and navigate the emotional weight of leadership.
If you've ever felt the strain of being responsible for everything and having no one you can really talk to about it, you're in the right place. In each episode, we go behind the curtain with a courageous leader to explore the cost of holding power and what it takes to stay human at the top. Today's guest I'm so excited to have on her name is Ti y Aji, and she's a stress reducing artist, bestselling author, speaker, and wellness coach specializing in science-based art and soul-centered strategies that help high stress professionals and their families reclaim calm.
Clarity and connection. Her signature, fractal infused artwork is clinically designed to reduce stress and restore emotional balance in home's, workplaces, and daily life As the creator of the Reclaim Control blueprint. Temi's mission is simple to help people create a life and a space they don't need a vacation from.
I am so excited you're here. We were just starting to talk before the show started recording about what you were saying to your friends about coming on the show.
well, first of all, I just wanna say thank you, Rachel, for having me here. I am really excited I did share with some of my friends that I was coming to the show and they asked, so who's Rachel? What's the show about? And I said, oh, um, it's, it's about, you know. An opportunity for executives and leaders, you know, to really share what it's like to be lonely at the top. And they said lonely at the top. What is it called? It's called Lonely at the Top. Oh, who's the host? A cute girl. Her name's Rachel. And they said, okay. And I said, no, just look her up. But they were really excited for me, mainly because of the fact that there's so many podcasts out there, , that do provide value. But you rarely find podcasts that speak to leaders and. Really talk about the truth about being a leader, which is the stressors that are involved in being a leader. what I appreciated about you, having me join you is the fact that I'm gonna be able to give the perspective of the partners, the spouses
behind those leaders, being able to put a face to them so that the leaders who are listening to you can. Hopefully have a greater understanding and appreciation for those things that we don't talk about and we hold on tight and hopefully for others who see the leaders and their partners to have another level of respect and appreciation for the partners who we are Very good at putting on the smile. We are very good at being resilient. But we do have our own personal struggles and pain that we don't talk about.
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I've created that forum for them. I speak it aloud.
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I have the support of my husband and hopefully other spouses out there. We know, you know, you're not alone. Um, I'm here and you know, we're here to support one another.
Yeah, absolutely. I, that's why I was so excited. , So I've just recently launched this podcast. I had an idea and I knew the main people I wanted to talk to,
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but as I'm out just sharing about the show and meeting other people, I run into people like you who bring another, fractal, right?
Another element of the issue, which is. Like, yeah. So many of the high performers I work with and talk to, yeah, they feel isolated and they're like, yeah, the only people I share with are you and my partner. That's what I hear all the time. And what we don't talk often enough about is, so how is that for your partner?
how is your partner handling that? Especially the more high up and visible the person is, as you were sharing about that, I thought, oh, you know, that's the whole premise of
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the start of the show. The good wife,
Yeah.
right? You've got this politician and then there's, and sure she's cheated on and all that stuff, but it's really, she's this very silent, stoic person represented by Juliana Margulies.
And then you come to see the stress and the strain that is on her as the partner of somebody very visible and powerful.
yeah.
So.very true.
How did you, I mean, we've, I've heard a little bit about some of the things that have happened in your life. Some you have some profound stories to tell.
How did you, um, let, okay, let's start this way.
Tell us about a leadership season, A time when being in a, a top position. Was really a challenge for you and your family.
I have quite a few.
.
There are two major ones, very distinct, very unique. Uh, the first one was, one it's gonna bring me back several years ago, and you might get a little bit emotional hearing this, but it's, I'm, I'm fine telling the story, but we have a son who's on the spectrum. And, uh, he suddenly lost his speech when he was three years old.
So it wasn't as if I saw the signs or we saw the signs. It just happened suddenly. And after we got the diagnosis, I was working as an occupational therapy assistant. At that time, I'd already had
management leadership positions in corporate America before going to occupational therapy. And a couple of years after that, I was offered the position of the director.
.
Of the rehab department, and that was also the same time that I had started homeschooling my son. So at the facility, I had the support of everyone, nurses, management, everybody, even my colleagues, other OTRs who were technically , my seniors in terms of their positions. But they wanted me in that position because they knew that I had what it takes to, to be in that role.
Right.
And they were ready and willing to make room for me to homeschool my son during the day and come and work in the afternoon.
Wow.
But knowing me, I am such, not a goodie two shoes, but I just believe if you're gonna serve somebody, serve them well,
Serve them fully.
Yeah. I knew something was going to suffer.
.
my son was going to suffer because I couldn't co it all the time that he would need, or the patients would suffer or the staff would suffer because I won't be there when they really need me
Right.
and they'll have to work around me.
.
So I took that. I. I had to think about it. I spoke to my husband about it.
It was a really good pay raise. I was earning good money as it is but, um, it was a pretty good pay raise and it was hard to say no, but deep down. I had to tell them I would rather relinquish this opportunity for somebody else to take it, , stay in my role by coming in when I could and be the best that I could whenever I came to work, but not in that position. And I gained a lot of support and admiration for that because not too many people would relinquish such an opportunity.
Yeah,
Um, so that was one. And the second was. Would you like me to go into that?
the second one.
one? Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's the second one's. This is an important story. I.
Yeah. The second one was when my whole family was in Florida after I had donated my kidney to my husband.
Yeah.
And during that time, you know, it was during COVID. I.
So , it was myself, my husband, my two young sons. I had my two brothers who came to take care of us and before, I embarked on that decision donate my kidney to my husband, which is a major health decision.
huge. Kidney donation is huge.
There were a lot of things I had to think about the health challenges, the what if something happened to me.
Yeah.
what if something happened to my husband? I had just started my business. what would happen to the clients that I had? I had co issions that I already had lined up. I am going to have to put things on hold. Would they understand? How would my energy be? Um, how would I be afterwards? Because it sounds very easy and reading it on paper about the recovery process, it's not the same. I, my recovery process, according to what I read as the donor should have been three days. It took me a month. Well, all the ones I was reading said three days, you know?
But it took me a month
Yeah.
I also wanted to make sure my husband was completely well before he went back to work, irrespective
Right,
of what the doctor said.
right.
So it, it, it was a lot that was on my plate. And I also wanted my sons not to be afraid as well, you know, that mom and dad are both bedridden,
Oh my gosh.
what's to happen? so it was, it was hard, but I thank God that's. I'm just being very candid with you. I really thank God that I had a very strong support system,
um, friends and family, most especially who prayed for us,
.
and, uh, me and my crazy humor was also included. Um, I shaved my hair, so I looked like the boys at home, you know, my husband and my sons and my, my brothers. But it, it was a hard decision, but we did well.
.
uh, we made sure everybody within our circle, my husband, his nurses, 'cause he's a physician,
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his nurses, the staff they knew, the patients knew. and I made sure my clients knew and then we left it at that. And, uh, we just hoped for the best.
That
That sounds like, I mean, first of all, yeah, an incredible journey. Yeah, I think doctors are the worst at setting expectations for recovery time. I don't know why they always undersell how long it's going to take, but they always do. Um, it sounds to me, so folks who don't know the backstory, but you have previously told me there was a season before this where you were tending to your son and his mental health emergency basically.
And really focused on him. When it turned out then your husband had a medical emergency, essentially.
Yeah.
Um, and originally so the story you tell is, is really, um, the best of possible outcomes, right? That you had all of these people there to support you.
you.
It sounded to me though, like that was a, a growth space because originally when he had his medical diagnosis , you both were operating in isolation.
Yes.
You wanna say?
we were experts at it.
Yeah. Say a little more about that.
Well. I had operated in isolation when my son was first diagnosed. It started with that.
.
Isolation because nobody else in my family had a child on the spectrum, so there was no reference point for me. Uh, all my friends that had babies, all the children were fine.
There was no reference point for me. I honestly did lose friends because It's a, it's, it's a sad truth. And I know parents who have children on the spectrum can relate to this, where you have close friends and all of a sudden there's that distance that starts to grow because your kids can't play together.
Sure.
Um, as if our kids are in invested with something which they're not. Um, but it's just lack of understanding. Right.
.
I did feel a sense of shame in terms of sharing with my family. So I did a lot of , support on my own. But when I did share, because there was that lack of understanding on their part, getting a lot of try this, try this, try that.
.
And it's not, I'm not incompetent. I, I know what to do.
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I'm doing everything. Um, and your suggestions, although they're well meant, were hurting me more than anything.
Yeah.
So I was just focused on my son. Then years later, admittedly when my husband told me he had renal failure, and I say years later, because I knew when he was going to the hospital, I knew when he was having the doctor's appointments,
.
I asked him how things were going. It was going in one ear.
.
But it wasn't germinating in my brain to reach my soul.
It just was compartmentalized 'cause I was so focused on my son.
.
So when he told me that, the level of guilt that I felt, I cannot put into words 'cause I felt like I failed this man. Um, and then when I said I wanted to tell others because. You know, this is, renal failure, you're gonna need another kidney. He didn't want me to tell others, and I understood why, because we lived in, in a co unity where when you say that instead of it being people becoming proactive to try to see how they can help
.
it'll be, oh my God, the doctor's sick. And then it becomes a rumor,
Right. Right.
Um, and if he yawns, it's like, oh, bless his heart. He just yawned. I mean, there's nothing wrong with him. Every little thing he does would be related to the sickness. So
.
it got, we got another diagnosis later on, about three months later with cancer, and I just felt, wait.
Uh, this is for me is like, God, where, where did I go wrong? Where did I go wrong? Um, but I'm, I'm happy I went through that stage. , I'm, I'm thankful that I went through it because if not for all those various challenges and me changing a lot of my attitude, my perspective, 📍 talking to my husband in a very different way than the way most couples co unicate, or most wives co unicate with their husbands, we wouldn't be where we're at right now.
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I can say that for a fact. And it, it, those struggles. Those struggles, you know, everything is what is basically in that reclaimed control blueprint that I said I created because I removed the bandage, the scab, and as this what you're talking about, because we, we have a lot of stressors and pains and struggles as partners and wives that a lot of times we can't put a name to
.
you know, and sometimes we might put. For example, we might react in a, we might get upset about something and to the world, it might be, oh, she's upset because you ordered that particular food that she doesn't like.
It is never about that.
It's really not about that.
No.
And then when you ask her, so what is it? It's so hard for her to put into words at that moment.
I'm so glad we're starting to have conversations as a society about things like invisible labor,
emotional labor, you know, like household, project management labor.
.
Um, because yeah, it's been, it's been so hard to make tangible. And when you are the, I imagine when you're the partner of a really high level leader who comes home and they've just done a 12 hour day or shift or whatever, they don't have it like you're the one running the whole household.
There is an imbalance of how the labor at home is held and you also are responsible. It sounds like, especially in that co unity where it's, it must have been a smaller co unity where your husband, the physician was like smaller co unities. You have people like that and they, they're like minor celebrities, right?
Like the town doctor kind of thing.
Well, well, our co unity's pretty big,
Okay.
my last name is very unique,
Uhhuh
not like Smith
sure.
you know, but it's Ayodeji there are no two Ayodejis you know, it's
Right.
are you Dr. Ayodeji's? Yes, I am.
Oh, and I heard you need a kidney and you're ill and Yeah.
And it's,
Yeah,
the way sometimes, and some people, sometimes they don't co unicate properly.
sure. Yeah, that's a lot of people.
for me, then I have to be very careful with the way I respond, because I don't wanna be be tagged. Yeah. She's a doctor's wife. You know, it's just, then there's this expectation as the doctor's wife, how I should behave,
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which, I broke all the rules. Um, I, I wasn't a snob. I am very social. I talk to everybody, anybody, and I, I just try to make my space warm. So that in itself confused some people because I didn't, I didn't fit the description the typical southern doctor's wife. Um, so there were just different, different challenges, but not being able to tell people was hard.
Yeah.
it was strategic. I understood. Um, but it was hard on me because I, I had this triple layer of pretense
Yeah.
that I left.
And now this is part of why you help the people that you do partners of high level leaders, because they very much need the help. They, they also are probably under social pressure to show up and be polished.
Yes.
Like, I, I just think, you know, Michelle Obama couldn't ever show up in public showing any stress about , internal family squabbles.
.
Right. Like, you just, you just can't. The higher level you and or your spouse are, the less you can show up in public , with just not having your polish on.
Yeah. You, you, I, I love the fact that I use a reference of Michelle Obama because she, she talks about how she couldn't even wear her hair.
.
I didn't have that problem. Um, I have alopecia, so I can change my wigs as often, as frequently as I wanted to. Uh, but. It's difficult. And, um, another thing with this is, you know, when you have a partner that comes home, like with my husband for example, every day he came home, even till today.
I always ask him, and I still ask him, so how was your day? And I approach it as though I'm talking to my girlfriend, I wanna gossip.
Of course. Yeah.
how was your day?
Uhhuh.
You know, and he's exhausted. He's like, oh, it was good. Uh huh. And then I said, so any crazy patients, you know?
Yes. This is a place where we all have to confess that those of us who are in professions, where we see a lot of the general public, we do tell stories to our partners.
Yeah.
Me as a, uh, previously licensed therapist. I'm, I don't do that as much, or I, I'm very general about the stories I tell because I have to preserve privacy, but yeah,
Oh yeah.
you tell your partner, you just have to,
he, yeah. He never divulged the names.
right,
he never did that.
right.
never did that. but, but he was like, oh yeah, I had this, and then he'll explain. But the, the funny stories were when I was working in therapy and one of my patients would see him at the hospital, and he would come home and he would literally say, do you know Miss Blase Mrs. I'm just making up a
.
And I'm very bad with names.
.
I'm like, uh, yes, the name sounds familiar. And I said, why? And he says, she said, you're crazy.
And you're like, did you say Yeah.
I'm like, what else is new? I, yeah. Yeah. And then I'll get to work the next day and the patient would say. I saw your husband yesterday. I don't know how I could deal with you. And I said, I heard you said I'm crazy. And they said, yes ma'am, you are. I was never offended. But those were the days that it was fun.
You
Yeah. Yeah.
there were times that it was stressful for me and I had to hold it in and he would notice there's something off 'cause I was quiet.
.
And then he'll say, what happened? And then I would tell him what happened at work. I obviously couldn't divulge names, so would he, and I was just there to support him and just, you know, sometimes say, you know what? If you're having a problem tomorrow with a patient, give me a call. I'll be there to take care of him or her. I'm not gonna do anything. But it's just, he would just laugh and just shake his head. And I would just say, what would you do without me? And I'll just walk away. But you see, even in that midst of doing that,
Yeah.
I was carrying some heavy loads that I wasn't divulging.
Yeah. 'cause he didn't have space to hear it. Yeah.
Nope,
Yeah. So you. Well, I wanna talk about, I wanna open the private ledger before I get into the next thing that I wanna ask you about. So,
So,
you're at the top, no one sees your balance sheet of invisible burdens.
.
So here we open that private ledger, and I would love to hear from you what was one cost of being in leadership?
Being in a leadership household, you could even say whether it was your career or in the family.
the cost.
.
It might sound little weird for me to say this, but it was literally peace of mind.
Yeah.
peace of mind. I am living that now. I understand it.
.
It's not just three words. Peace of mind, it's your space. Your environment, even though you might have challenges coming at you, left, right, and center, which it still does,
.
I still have that peace of mind in the way I handle it. that was something that I did not have,
Yeah.
and it affected my health.
.
It affected my relationships outside the home because I couldn't help it, but compare myself to the other women out there, the
.
other moms
.
whose kids running all over the place and were very talkative and mine was not as talkative,
Yeah.
uh, looking at other spouses
.
and wonder, wow they look so happy. Not that I was miserable,
.
but they just look so happy and. And then my husband look at me and I'm smiling again. He is like, Hey, it just, it, I think spouses of, you know, our spouses like me should have EGOTs, you know, E y, Gra y Oscars and Tony's cus work.
Yeah.
that peace of mind was something that, uh, I did not have for years.
And we're gonna talk about what you have innovated, how you have found a way to have peace of mind, because I'm imagining your life didn't get a lot less busy.
Oh, no.
Yeah. Before we get to that, tell me one invisible asset that you maybe didn't realize you had at the time.
God, forgive me for saying this, but it's the truth. It was him.
.
. That's a deep question.
.
It was him because, you know, I did go to church.
.
Uh, I did pray, but I wasn't connecting to him in such a way that, that I do now. So it's kind of like, you know when you say you're leaning on your own, understanding, doing things your own way
.
because it just made sense and he wouldn't understand. God wouldn't understand. Um, was, it's funny when I say it, but I'm happy you're laughing because you understand what I'm saying. So it was, it was him.
. I think it's a really good point. I'm an extremely spiritual person. I mean, I call myself a soul medic, so one would hope, right? I think a lot of people are in that place where maybe they have, they're going through the motions of a relationship with the divine. They're doing it the way maybe they've been taught, but they haven't invested in what makes the relationship really work for them. You know, there's a difference between performing something and really feeling and receiving that spiritual connection. So,
Yeah.
yeah,
Yeah,
I have stories like that too, where. It's so funny to me. We think we are walking around alone and we never are.
We never are. We just with our, you know, wonderful human "wisdom". I'm putting that in quotes.
Yeah.
Um, and our free will, we are like, no, I've got this. I've got this. I'm holding my life and I'm gonna make it work. You know, and we're surrounded by wonderful divine help. That's like, okay, well, I mean, let us know when we can come in.
Yeah. I mean, what you're saying is so true and I grew up with, love you dad, whatever. I, whatever I wanted,
.
I had it.
Nice.
but there were conditions it.
Oh, the strings. The strings.
my dad always said,
Yeah.
I remember growing up every year before school started, he would ask me, what do you want?
.
he would bring out the newspaper and anything that I wanted could be a huffy bicycle.
This was before we went back to Nigeria. A Huffy bicycle. Not just any huffy bicycle,
The one.
this particular one
.
these particular roller skates. Uh, I was very, very specific and my dad said, okay, all you need to do is get straight A's. That's all I needed. I. And I would come home.
I remember I did that for years. Come home with my report card, kind of like in his face, but I had to look up like in his face because he was taller than me. Look, and that evening, that huffy bicycle better be there, or the roller skates had to. So I grew up like that. I share that story because even before I got married, I prayed to have two boys. I have two boys. So it's kind of everything that I wanted. I received it, but I forgot that I was expecting that as well when my challenges in my marriage started. where I prayed for something and I expected to get the results within a week, a month at most. But God doesn't work that way,
.
and a lot of these things did take years.
Yeah.
But another thing is a lot
of them turned out not the way that I was expecting.
That's the journey.
So if you can be humble enough to celebrate those little things , when the bigger things come, they come.
Yeah.
but you're at peace with
Before that. . . Yeah. I've had the same experience. Um, I feel very cared for, but I've definitely had lots of moments of anxiety and praying in my life, and I've changed my relationship with the Divine.
Good.
Um, it, yeah, I, I feel like we could have like a whole departure conversation about this, um, but I'll just say,
I think because this is a particular, topic that I feel very passionate about and I want this message out there. We all need to reexamine our relationship with the universe, the divine. However, people relate to something greater, to circumstance, to things happening, and not see it as, oh, I worked hard.
I got my straight A's, therefore I'm gonna get the roller skates. Right? That's not how the
How
universe works. It's not about deserving. It's not about deserving.
and there's no humility
Yeah.
You feel entitled in a way.
True. Yeah. It's not, it's what is spiritual rewards? You know, uh, that's not really how things work. Sometimes it's how things work, and so we take it as a consistent, but when you don't get what you want, it's not because you weren't deserving.
Yeah,
because deserving is not the metric.
exactly.
hard work is not the metric.
.
Right. So, and I don't even know if I can say what the metric is because I am not the divine. It is some other ineffable thing that is larger than what we comprehend. Um, tell me, shifting a little bit, tell me one investment, and this might lead into the next thing.
One investment you are making now for your wellbeing.
Well, the investment isn't, it's not, uh, financial. It's about sleep.
Oh, nice.
sleep for me because for years I was a night owl 'cause I was spending all that time researching stuff to help my son. It was like always on the internet overnight, researching different remedies, different, I didn't medicate my son, I, went through the homeopathic route, made me very different from all the other parents that had children on the spectrum. So I was just looking for very different, unique, non-invasive ways, which others might have referred to as cuckoo,
Everything seems crazy when you don't know how it works.
Exactly. so I, I really lacked sleep for years. Um, and today for me to tell someone that I've, I slept nine hours or 10 hours
Ooh, nice. Oh,
did.
everyone listening is so jealous right now.
but, but you know, we can all get those hours.
It's. that's another conversation, but
is a whole
another conversation. But just the sleep. Sleep quality. Sleep is priceless.
Yeah.
It's priceless. So
Thank you for sharing your private ledger. I actually thought maybe you were gonna, I wanna talk about the thing that I postponed that I put a little pin in at the beginning, which is something that you discovered
.
when you were on this journey to, basically save your family, save your family's, you know, peace of mind and sanity and it was through your art.
Oh, yes. That. Oh yes. Oh yes. Um, so shortly after my husband received his diagnosis. And I remember I told you I was in a very, very sad, confused, outta control space. And I was researching, remember I mentioned how I was always
.
up overnight, uh, one night, and I call this divine intervention. I stumbled upon research about how certain fractal images in nature, not all, but certain fractal images in nature that are embedded in paintings,
.
how they reduce stress levels by up to 60% in minutes,
That's amazing.
and these same paintings helped children increase their focus and concentration
.
was this research made for me? Because those are two issues we were struggling with at home.
And also because of your background, which you haven't yet mentioned.
Well, my first degree is in art and design. I
Hello?
I used to be a professional artist, and I left that to go into occupational therapy. And back then people told me, why not become an art therapist?
.
I did my research. I just saw it as being very boring. Hi, our therapist. I'm not saying you're boring, I'm just,
Everybody's got different interests. No shade. It can be your, it can be your opinion, right?
but there was so much more to being an occupational therapist than being a nurse or a physical therapist, and I could incorporate my art into it. So my first degree is in art and design, and I just as an artist reading that article, I was like, I can do this. Uh, but what was unique about the article is the paintings they were studying were Jackson Pollock's paintings.
.
And I was trained as, uh, a hyper realist in Nigeria. So in other words, kind of like you see a picture and it looks like a photograph.
for sure.
that was how I was trained. Not in abstract. When I was in school, abstract was considered lazy art. So I'm looking at this Jackson Pollock's painting. I'm trying to make sense of it.
.
It didn't make sense to me. It didn't make sense to me, so I had to pray about it. Like how can I, what are these fractal patterns? First of all, how can I embed them into a painting that is abstract? And what I do today is not my own doing. I'll just be very flat out and saying that. I do pray before I paint, and I only use three colors.
.
But when you look at my artwork, you see multiple colors.
Yeah.
It's because I've mastered colors. Colors and the color theory, I mastered it. So I know how to create a piece with three colors that when you look at it, you might see seven or eight.
Wow.
I've looked at, at your site and the art is gorgeous. And correct me if I'm wrong, that you mean three colors per art piece.
'cause they're different colors in different, okay.
It's three colors per art piece.
Okay. I was like, they're not all just like pink, green, and blue. They're all, some of them are like rich and orange and brown and, okay.
no, no. I started embedding those images, those fractal images into my paintings. And after doing that, I went ahead and strategically positioned them. I created eight to be precise when I first started and had them strategically placed in like one of the homeschool area, the living room, my husband's office, places where we spent a lot of time.
.
Um, I was hopeful 30% and 70% doubtful that it would really work.
.
I'm being very honest with you.
And then what happened?
Well, we had a guest that came by the house. My friend who's a photographer, and he came when I was homeschooling my son. And normally when there is a slight distraction, my son just gets up and takes off. But my friend Jeremy came in and my son was at the table working. He said Hi, my son looked up, said hi, and continued with his work. It didn't register to me that my son went back to his work
.
But to my friend, he was, what are you giving him? And I was like, what are you giving him? He said, he's sitting down. He had to whisper.
.
And that's when it clicked. And I just had this big grin and I just went, it's the art. And that's how it all started because my friend then said, you know what? You should market your art as co ercial art. Which I did at first, I knew there was just more to this. I need to let the world know what I've discovered here and how it's helped me.
.
People will come into our home and they'll say, it's so calm in here.
So peaceful. .
so peaceful. My paintings are at schools and I've actually had a student who sent me, uh, a message on Facebook. And said, is your art at Wallace Co unity College? I was surprised and I said, yes. And she said, I thought as much.
And I was like, how did you know it was mine? And she just said, there's just something about, it's just so peaceful and she sees it just before she goes into the classroom.
That right there
.
meant the world to me. So if I can, if I can, if God can take me out of that situation and show me that, you know what, I can use art
To help heal people.
yes.
Yeah.
to create that sense of peace, and grounding people to just look at their art and get lost in it and relax. So if I can help people create that sense of, uh, relaxation and calm just by looking at art in the school, in the you know, in the halls of the school, at home
,
I need to bring this out. I need to share it with the world. It's something new,
.
but I believe in it. Because it's helped me and it's helped so many others.
I absolutely believe in this, and I'm, I'm gonna tell you why
I
I never used to be all that into art. I mean, I like, sure, love it.
it.
It's pretty, whatever, right? And I'm talking in my like late twenties. Um, it just wasn't, it wasn't a big deal. Like maybe there'd be a nice picture in my calendar and maybe I stick it on my wall, right. Or there's a pretty card or something. But I was more of a,
a
I have comic strips on my walls kind of person, uh, in, in college and after that, but when I became a therapist, it was the first time in my life that I had to furnish a place from scratch that wasn't just an accumulation of stuff that
Yeah.
I had carried with me from childhood into high school, into college and whatever.
It's a whole new space,
.
and I knew I needed a couch and I needed a chair and a couple side tables and lamps, and
.
I had those things in there and I had my first couple of clients and the walls were bare and I felt like I was going crazy. Like I'm supposed to be looking at my client and being with them and holding space.
And I'd been doing this already in, in, sublets, you know. First time in my space, bare walls. And I was like, I felt like, the, just the blankness
Yeah,
was absolutely attacking me. I could not handle it. And I was like, oh, now I suddenly intuitively understand the importance of art.
yeah.
I already knew art that I didn't like art, that's unsettling.
Obviously I knew that was real, but I was like, oh, it, it gives you sanctuary
Yes, it does.
and it's, it's not just for the eyes there. There's something else that art does. So I a hundred percent believe you this. I mean, it just makes, um, it just makes sense in my body when you describe what it is.
It's co unicating with your nervous system.
Yeah.
And one of the unique things about art, especially like the ones that I create, is. Uh, you look at it and you don't know what it is, and I can have 10 people look at the, the same painting and give me 10 different descriptions, but one thing that they all share is the emotions that it evokes. But I always tell people, you know, when you're choosing. Stress reducing art, even if it's not from my collection. But art for your space, you wanna ensure that it's something depending on the space. so if you want a space in your home where you wanna feel inspired. You need the kind of art that creates those emotions of inspiration.
You don't want something that is calming because that defeats the purpose of that space.
.
If you want artwork in your bedroom, you want something that's relaxing and calming, not something that just.
Agitates you? .
it makes you perk up and all of a sudden you're looking for your pen because you have all these ideas.
You know, no, that's not. Put that in your office.
Yeah. . .
📍 So, it's very subjective, so I always tell people, choose what speaks to you., but also make sure that those around you, especially if it's in your home, can share in that same experience. You know, 'cause if I have a piece of art that is very calming to me does the opposite from my husband, we need to either find another place to you know, put the artwork or find one that has colors that he responds to positively.
.
So that's just so I can explain it.
You had a painting of yours in your husband's office that you decided to relocate. You told me and, and what happened?
Well, after the paintings behind me, but I don't know if you can't say, since the doors are closed
Yeah.
the, so the paintings called Roots and uh, it's one of the very, it's the painting that I actually used with my son. In his homeschool area. And uh, so one day I just liked changing things around, you know, after a couple of years. So I took the painting and I put it in my studio brought another artwork, which was bigger, that I loved, that I believed he too would like, 'cause he liked it and I put it in his office. And the moment he walked in and opened those doors, the glass doors. The first thing that came out of his mouth normally, which would've been, so how was your day? Or
.
he might call my son. The first thing he said was, where's my roots? I was trying to hair roots, plant roots. What roots? And the way he said, where's my roots? I ran because
You thought something was wrong.
He was, he was upset. Where's my roots? So I walked quickly and I'm like, and I looked at his head. He had just cut his hair.
So I was looking at, I was just confused,
I.
like roots? You know. And I was looking at him, he's like, where's my roots? And he set his bag down. I was, I want to point to his head respectfully, like, you're, you cut your hair. I don't know where your roots are. And I said, what do you mean your roots? And he said, my, then he pointed to the wall. He said, where's my roots? I said, you don't like this art? No, I want my roots. I want my roots back. Bring my roots back. He sounded like a kid that was. like, your roots,
I.
I want my roots. So I was like, yes, sir. So I left. He said, no, no, no. Come back and take this outta here. Yes sir. So, so I took it off the wall and walked gently to the studio and then had to get on the ladder take
his roots back.
And then when I brought it back, he made it clear to me directly. Don't ever take this painting out of here. I said, okay. What about that one? Leave all my paintings alone. Now all of a sudden, there were his paintings. I was like, oh,
So I guess they affect him.
Oh yes, and I never touched Roots again. I just dust it and that's it.
So I am going to shift gears a little bit 'cause I'm gonna ask you our two final questions of the interview.
Okay.
What do you wish more leaders felt permission to say out loud?
I wish more leaders would say. Wow, I've built this empire, or I have made it, but it doesn't feel good up here. I'm not happy. I, it's hard to understand for someone to say, I've built this and I'm not happy,
.
but for them to really admit I'm not happy. And then when you dive into asking, why aren't you happy,
.
they can be honest enough to say, I'm tired.
Or this isn't as fulfilling as I wanted it to be. Yeah,
Or just say, I hate it.
yeah,
Just be honest. But it's hard for them to say that
yeah. Without judgment. Because they feel like everyone else will say, you have everything. You're not being grateful for your blessings, or you have so much when so many people have so little,
.
you know. Everybody gets to actually have their own authentic experience.
Yeah. And they get praised for functioning on survival mode
Yeah.
and when they need that break, they're criticized for it,
. . I, I agree. And I think, you know, whether you're a leader listening to us right now, or you're the spouse of a leader, uh, knowing that there is a place you can go and have that conversation
.
with someone like me, with someone like Temi, you deserve that. You deserve to be able to be honest and not feel guilty or worry about being judged about it.
exactly.
Our last question before we wrap up is the time machine question. If you could go back in time, what would you say to yourself earlier in your career?
I would assume you are asking. Go back in time when I first started my career, right in my twenties.
You answer it however you want.
I would literally tell myself, it's going to be a very, very rough road ahead. It's not going to be what you've imagined, but, but do everything with resilience. Don't give up. Because the reward is there, just stay focused and it's okay to cry.
. Yeah.
Um, that's just gonna be the honest truth that I would've told myself, uh, 'cause that would've prepared me. But I'm happy. I, unfortunately, I'm happy that I didn't know.
Yeah,
I'm happy I didn't know because I think I would've made different decisions along the way,
yeah,
and I won't be where I'm at today. So.
yeah. I feel the same way about, um, the idea of regret. There's very few things. I would've told myself, take the alimony. Ask for alimony. I would've, I would've done that one. But everything else. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but everything else, I agree. I, you know, we get to this age, I don't know if we're the same age, but we're both in kind of midlife, right.
Yes.
And we both have suffered. You know, we've both been through some very hard things, and I agree I would not want to scare my younger self with the threat of that suffering, but the suffering did get me to a deeper level of understanding and trust in myself and in spirit, that there's no other way to get there.
Yeah, and you have that wisdom that. It's wisdom,
.
those lived experience puts you through.
Yeah.
you know, when you talk about living with regrets, um, I remember once a decision we had to make with our son several years ago with, um, a treatment that I wanted to do. Uh, my husband said, no, it's too expensive and these people are working on your emotions.
And I told my husband, I don't wanna look at my life when I'm 80 and say, what if
What if, yeah.
with regrets? Let's just do it
.
and see what happens. And he thought I had lost my mind, but I was humble and I cooked good food for several days. And I kept reminding him and he did it. And uh, and we did it. And now when I look back and I look at our son today, I'm so thankful we took that decision, that step.
Nice.
So
Thank you so much for coming on the show with me. It has been a wonderful conversation and I imagine, uh, kind of a balm to those who listen because, in talking about very peaceful topics and part of it, it's probably been, uh, really soothing. And I, I just wanna say to those listening, imagine when you're a high level leader and there's.
So many things that you know you need to do for yourself, but you don't have the time. I can imagine getting an amazing piece of art that just is in your space and doesn't require work from you to help support and bring peace. What a benefit that would be. So if you wanna check out more about Temi's Art, you can go to TemiFineArts.com, and I think you can learn more about her work at TemiAyodeji.com and we'll have that in the show notes so that you can see the spelling and make sure you get that right.
Yeah. Thank you so much. And, um, if anyone just wants to reach me and just read about the different stories and articles and um, medical insights, you know, stress management insights that I have, they can join me on substack, which is free.
Ooh, nice.
Um, so that's at temiayodeji.substack.com.
Lovely. All right. Thanks for listening to Lonely At the Top. If today's conversation resonated, I hope you'll give yourself permission to pause even for a moment and check in with what you might be carrying silently. You don't have to hold it alone. If you're ready for support that goes deeper than strategy, you can learn more about working with me at RachelAlexandria.com.
And if you knew another leader who needs to hear this show, send it their way because yeah, it's lonely at the top. But it doesn't have to stay that way.